In our experience, victims always resist abuse and violence.  Even when they oppose abuse only in their thoughts, their resistance is still very important because it shows that in no way do victims experience mistreatment passively.  We have found that victims feel empowered when they focus on their resistance and on the many ways they […]

A woman applying for an Emergency Protection Order sees up to 7 people within that day (Police, Court Support Worker, File Clerk, Family Justice Services Intake Worker, Lawyer, Family Court Counsellor/Duty Judge, Judge, 7th floor, 12th floor, and back to the 7th floor), and it takes approximately 7 hours. I can’t imagine a woman doing […]

In our experience, when a person behaves abusively they destroy the safety which is the basis of any intimate relationship.  Hurtful words, frightening actions and intimidating gestures can destroy the foundation on which a good family life is built. Children may keep their concerns to themselves.  Partners might pretend things are better than they are […]

Everyday we engage in conversations with the people who surround us. Some of those conversations will be about the weather, the ball game or what’s happening in our lives right now. How much we share and what we discuss is determined by how well we know a person, how comfortable the topic is, and whether […]

Abuse is a deliberate behavior in which one person chooses to dominate, control or harm another. Perpetrators abuse against the will of victims, who never ask or choose to be abused. People being abused tend to know when behaviour is abusive. Trust your gut and remember you are the expert on your own life. Family […]

The women we have spoken to over the years have always been upset about the abuse they have experienced. One of the issues they raise is that there are times that they are afraid of their partner. Depending on how a perpetrator treats their partner, she may only be afraid when they act in intimidating, […]

When it comes to domestic violence, appearances are deceiving. Because victims’ resistance to abuse is often not noticed, some people assume that victims have not done enough to protect themselves. People may, therefore, believe that victims create their own misfortunes. As well, victims tend not to talk about their experiences of abuse. They may choose […]

Perpetrators of violence often try to avoid responsibility for their abusive behaviour. They may blame someone or something else. They may find excuses for their violence such as, “they were in a blind rage,” or, “they were so out of control with their anger that they did not know what they were doing.” As well, […]

Perpetrators do not believe that victims will be passive. Therefore, perpetrators think about how victims will resist their abuse, and make plans to try to stop this resistance. For example, bullies do not pick on children who are bigger and stronger than they are. Bank robbers assume that tellers will resist, so they make plans […]

Resistance by victims is often not noticed by other people. In our experience, all victims resist abuse in some way, although their acts of resistance may be different. Victims decide how to resist abuse based on what they know of the perpetrator, what they need to do to be safe, and what they need to […]