What is Abuse?

Abuse is a deliberate behavior in which one person chooses to dominate, control or harm another. Perpetrators abuse against the will of victims, who never ask or choose to be abused. People being abused tend to know when behaviour is abusive. Trust your gut and remember you are the expert on your own life.

Family violence is abuse at the hands of someone close to you. This could be your partner, adult children, parent, in-law, friend, sister or brother. “Domestic violence” is a term often used interchangeably with “family violence”.  Domestic violence sometimes is limited to intimate partner violence.

Abuse is more than hitting or slapping. Below are terms with a list of examples of abusive behaviour.

Emotional or Psychological Abuse

• Name calling, belittling, constant criticism
• Screaming at her
• Mocking her
• Putting down her family and friends
• Threatening her about the children (e.g. telling her she will lose custody, saying you will leave town with the children)
• Demanding household chores such as dinner, housework, laundry etc. are done in the way you want
• Abusing or neglecting children and not allowing her to intervene
• Not speaking to her for days at a time
• Using her lack of legal rights to control her (threatening to get her
• Deported if she’s an immigrant; threatening to kick her out of the house with nothing if common-law)
• Ending a discussion and then making decisions without her
• Telling her she is a bad mother
• Stalking (harassing, following her around town, showing up where you know she will be, watching her at home through windows)

Isolation

• Trying to stop her from having access to family and/or friends
• Using jealousy to justify questioning and controlling her movements
• Listening to her phone calls, monitoring the mileage on the car, calling her repeatedly
• Trying to make her account for every minute of her day
• Putting her down in front of others
• Trying to keep her from doing things (going out with friends and family, going to work / school)
• Limiting her access to a car or other transportation

Intimidation

• Destroying property
• Giving her angry looks
• Making her do something humiliating or degrading (e .g . begging for forgiveness, having to ask your permission to use the car or go out)
• Saying things to scare her (e .g . tell her something bad will happen, threatening to commit suicide, threatening to hurt children, pets, friends, family or anyone that helps her.)
• Bossing her around, telling her to say or not say things

Economic Abuse

• Keeping money from the family
• Trying to stop her from making money
• Trying to make her hand over money
• Trying to making her to account for how she spends money
• Forcing the family to live in poverty when money is available

Physical Abuse

• Slapping, hitting, kicking, biting or punching her
• Pushing, grabbing, throwing or shoving her
• Driving recklessly with her in the car
• Causing bruises, cuts, broken bones, etc .
• Throwing, hitting, kicking, burning or smashing objects
• Threatening to become physically abusive towards her or those she loves
• Hurting others she loves (e .g . children, pets, friends or family)
• Preventing her from leaving a room
• Threatening her with a knife, gun or other weapon / object
• Trying to strangle her
• Using a knife, gun or other weapon
• Locking her in or out of the home
• Abandoning her in an unsafe place
• Attempting to kill her or murder

Sexual Abuse

• Emotionally pressuring her to have sex when she didn’t want to
• Physically forcing her to have sex
• Emotionally pressuring her or forcing her to have sex with other people, animals, objects
• Threatening to “out” her if gay or bisexual
• Demanding she wear more (or less) provocative clothing
• Denying her sexuality
• Making degrading sexual comments
• Making threats if she doesn’t comply with sex
• Forcing her to have sex for money or to participate in pornography

Cultural or Spiritual Abuse

• Attacking or ridiculing her belief system and/or culture
• Attempting to stop her from practicing or participating in spiritual practices
• Attempting to use spirituality or religion as a means of controlling her
• Destroying spiritual objects or scriptures
• Attempting to force her to accept spiritual beliefs or engage in spiritual practices

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