The Victim’s Resistance and Perpetrator’s Responsibility

In our experience, victims always resist abuse and violence.  Even when they oppose abuse only in their thoughts, their resistance is still very important because it shows that in no way do victims experience mistreatment passively.  We have found that victims feel empowered when they focus on their resistance and on the many ways they keep their own dignity and character in the face of mistreatment and degradation.

From our work with perpetrators, we conclude that they always anticipate that victims will resist their attempts to control, dominate, and inflict pain.  Perpetrators’ will take deliberate steps to stop such resistance.  Other evidence has demonstrated that perpetrators are able to control their anger.  Their actions are planned and deliberate.  We feel that recognizing the deliberate nature of abusive behaviour is respectful of perpetrators in that it expresses confidence in their ability to control their own actions, rather than being helpless victims of forces beyond their control.

Our hope is that those who are providing support to victims and/or perpetrators will focus their attention on victim’s resistance and perpetrator’s responsibility.  We also hope that supporters will challenge messages from others that blame the victim or excuse the perpetrator.

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